Into week no.three

I can't believe that my baby girl is already past the two week mark and that on Friday she will have been on the outside of my body for three whole weeks! I feel like it was just the other day I was in the hospital holding her in my arms for the first time.

Hormones really are a crazy thing, for about 3-4 days after giving birth I would feel an immense amount of anxiety at the thought of another baby, labour, contractions, birth, well mostly just the thought of those crazy intense transitional contractions that mean you are near the end. But within in the last week those feelings have disappeared almost completely... you know to that point where you could actually consider doing it all over again (not soon by any means). And it seems crazy.
I was telling my awesome husband that I feel some what cheated out of my fair share of free agency. Maybe, just maybe, I really don't want to go through all that again, maybe I'm worried that if I forget I will someday do it again. I know children are a wonderful thing and that procreation is the biggest reason to be on this earth. But I feel as though those hormones that make us mothers forget the feelings of giving birth clouds over the truth a bit, kinda like being told a little white lie, not having the whole truth and therefore not being able to make a well thought out decision.
Maybe this all seems crazy to some people, but it's how I feel. Perhaps the "forgetful" hormones are actually a blessing and I am seeing this all wrong. And maybe I am not being grateful enough.

Being a Mother is hard, and there are a lot of sacrifices involved. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Without question. Do I have bad days when it is hard to see all the great things that come with being a Mother? Definitely. Some days are so hard to get through, especially living so far from family. I admire my Mom for raising six children and without having her own Mother on this earth to help her out, to give her guidance, to say just the right thing that only a Mother would know to say to a struggling, over tired daughter.

Needless to say I know this stage of my life wont last forever, that these sleepless nights, and hard days will pass quickly and soon enough my babies wont be babies at all, and that thought actually makes me a little sad, and a little happy all at the same time.

I know that one of my biggest downfalls is that I have really high expectations for myself. I tend to let the little things get on my nerves (especially when I am tired) and I push myself way to hard. Here's an example for you:
My sister and her husband came to visit last week. And in the 24 hours before they got here I obsessed about the state of my "dirty" house. I ended up cleaning it. Although this sister could care less about the state of my house, in fact she would be the very last person to judge me if the counters in my bathroom weren't wiped down. I was discussing all this with her when she got here, telling her I couldn't help but clean, and I realized it wasn't for them at all, it was for me. I just like things a certain way and if they go unattended for a bit I can get pretty irritated.

I havent really slowed down since having a baby, if anything I have been feeling a lot better than when I was in my last trimester of pregnancy and have been doing way more in the last two weeks since giving birth than the whole twelve weeks before having her. What can you do, right?

A little fun fact for y'all.
I completely lost all my pregnancy weight only 12 days after giving birth! I only gained 27 pounds, and I had quite a bit of water retention with this pregnancy, plus I am exclusively nursing, so really it was pretty easy. I just hope I can keep it off this time. After I had Magoo I went about 4 pounds under my pre pregnancy weight within a couple weeks, but gained 15 pounds within his first year of his life... this one I hope to get down another 15-25 pounds ideally, within the first year of her life. But I am going to wait a few more weeks before I start exercising again.

Also I have decided on a "blog name' for our newest addition. I know I thought I would go with Miss Molly, but I just couldn't settle with that. And every time I looked into my little girls big open eyes I kept being reminded of a certain character...

... do you see? Seriously we get these huge crazy eyes from her all the time, and every time I am reminded of that crazy, blue, big eyed... thing. haha. So on the blog she will be known as "Stitch", just a much cuter version.